chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
