So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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