dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
