I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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