i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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