Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
