More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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