We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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