Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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