Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
