Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
