Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
