Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
