508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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