if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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