my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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