Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
