Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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