Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
