I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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