I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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