please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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