saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
