Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
