another moral hangover. fuck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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