i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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