Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
