oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
