Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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