aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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