You just made me feel so damn special
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
