she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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