she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
