Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
