I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
