Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
