Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
