Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
