if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
