if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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