the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
