I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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