How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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