i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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