OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
