Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
