the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
