Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
