im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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