What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
