I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
