The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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