Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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