So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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