all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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