i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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