I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
