Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
