I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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