She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
