Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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