Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
