thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
