he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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