Got a toothbrush?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
