Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
