Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you win again, gameday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize