The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
