Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
