on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
